Billions - Axe v. Chuck => Why am I back on this?

01 July 2019

I think I have reached a stage where I am perfectly content with bingeing tv shows. Billions, has caught my fancy. And I am glad that it's so difficult for me to choose the guy I support. There's a lot of grey areas. Well, actually, there's no black and white. Unlike House of Cards, where you know the bad guys and you still root for them.

But why am I okay doing that, to an extent that is unhealthy in my opinion. Lack of purpose in life is a dangerous thing to have. When you're drained and you have stopped thinking. It's autopilot - all the way.

I think human beings need misery, to focus, to appreciate life, to achieve anything meaningful. That seems to be the case for the average person. Those who attained nirvana, they are out from the world of maya and they have received enlightenment.

But for the average mortal, what are we left with?

24 July 2019

I have come to this site, timed this for 15 minutes on my phone, and I looked at the first heading on my page.

I expected a write up about Billions, given the title, and I saw how quickly it escalated to musings on life. Sort of scary, truth be told. But I digress.

I finished 3 seasons in quick succession and I'm waiting for the next season to come on Hotstar.

My parents are back in town and I have the semblance of a routine, I get more things done, eat better, manage time.

What are the things I haven't done?
I was supposed to write down my thoughts on a regular, or more accurately, daily basis. Obviously, design flaws from my end ensured that this didn't become a routine.

Fairly sure that I will not do this daily, but I'm gonna try. And it's going to be 15 minutes of a day, whenever it comes to mind. The plan of typing this out before going to sleep was a good plan, only in my head.

One tab open up another and before long, you're researching the origins of cheese and how it's made in Italy today. Also less screen time before sleep, with reading in place of it, seems to be a healthier and smarter plan.

I have 5 more minutes to go.

I don't understand why Venom was panned by critics and I saw that it brought in a great amount of revenue. I watched the movie and I enjoyed it. A lot better than Avengers: Endgame. I'm committing sacrilege, but that's okay.

- The movie was designed to make most of the fans happy.

I think that's the bit that bothered me the most. It was a loud show, with no heart. I couldn't care about it like I did for Black Panther.

The next time I write on this, I will start from a new page. With a new thought. And I think I know where I will be starting it from.

Why do we hold on to certain things?

26 June 2019

A lot of the arguments and fights between partners that we see on the screens, involves the past being dredged up.

Why is that we don't let go of these things?

1. Ego
2. It's never been addressed properly.
3. Don't know how to let go.

And what happens when we don't let go of these things?

1. Relationships become toxic.
2. We become toxic
3. Misplaced priorities

Why do you need a romantic relationship?

23 June 2019

It is difficult to put into words the need for a romantic relationship except for the obvious factors as follows:

1. Emotional security 
2. Intimacy - all forms 
3. Companionship

And how do you get it?

It's a lot easier for females, given that the willing population of women is a tiny proportion as opposed to the men. So when faced with so much choice, why is one preferred over the other?

1. Right time right place
2. Compatibility
3. You're bored and want some excitement?
4. Love at first sight
5. You've made a conscious choice, after considering various factors
6. Interesting men  

Interesting men

Confidence - that's the basic item here. Some are loud and some are quiet. But being comfortable in one's own skin has such a raw appeal, now that I think about it. 

Taking charge of the situation, for example. But why is that seen positively, especially when men do that?

27 July 2019

I think this video explains love better than can be expressed by me.

Habit Forming Exercise - This is hard work.

I do not mind spending hours, watching mindless television. Any thought of spending ten minutes on typing this out, is downed by voices inside of me that positively push towards the goal of procrastination.

Why is that I prefer to watch dumb TV over other stuff? Also, completely unrelated, when I type this out, should I be honest with my thoughts or just talk about stuff that don't really matter? Finding your own path is not an easy task.

I guess, that's the problem with having to make decisions for yourself. You have to weigh the pros and cons, and ultimately, you end up in a state of indecisiveness. Is that why religion and society are able to dominate us? Because it scares. New territory is scary stuff, I guess. But how do you break out from this cocoon of comfort?

I hope I find this out, eventually. And these self-help books, who does this even work for? I tried reading one, and it is now 600 kms away from me, with the bill as the bookmark, in the first few pages.

I keep looking at the time remaining to type away, committing a few minutes to this, seems to be a difficult task.

What changed?

Habit Forming Exercise: Does this really work?

I mean, I have tried this with folding my blanket. And that comes automatically at this point, which is great. So can I actually spend 10 minutes a day writing/blogging?

This is Day One.

Now the data available online points to an average of 66 days to reach 'automaticity' - where you act without thinking. The question is, can I do this for over 2 months? Also, what do I hope to achieve through this?

1. Greater discipline and focus 
2. Clarity of thought 
3. Communication skills being improved 
4. Figuring out my style of writing

It's so much easier to type what I did just now, because I've been wanting to do for a really long time. Also, the plentiful material available on the Internet, takes away one's ability to focus on the task at hand, as I just switched to restarting the documentary on Theranos in the midst of doing this.